Wow!
My first official column for Patch! Or maybe it’s a blog. I still don’t know the difference.
Although I haven’t met any of them in person yet, I am very excited to be part of the Patch team. Indeed, I can’t wait for the first cyber birthday party for one of my fellow Patchers. But I’m also excited because I love to write, I love to opine and I already have visions of accepting the Pulitzer in Sweden or Norway or one of those countries with the fjords. So, when the offer to do a column or a blog came, I immediately agreed to join Patch.
Okay, then. Let’s start!
Uh, okay...can someone help me out here? How exactly do I start?
Am I supposed to first introduce myself so future pieces will have some context? Should I tell you stories about my abusive mother? Are you interested in knowing that every time Paul McCartney changed his hair style, I did the same thing with mine? Perhaps you want to hear about my dream to become a professional baseball player, my anti-Vietnam war activity, my years working for Supervisor Gerry Hyland, how Washingtonian magazine named me one of the “Top 50 Hired Guns” on Capitol Hill in 1994, my years representing abortion doctors (several of whom were killed), my verbal altercation on a Manhattan street with Paul Newman and my total hatred of olives and the Red Sox.
Yeah, I agree. Boring!
Indeed, I was just handed a report showing that I have already lost half my readership. I am now down to three people, but I’m sure my sister and two sons will hang in there for a while (my wife, Meg, jumped ship about 20 minutes ago).
Or perhaps I should just jump in and talk about why Mount Vernon can’t get at least ONE new cell phone tower, how crosswalks might actually be dangerous to pedestrians, how we all would give up our first born child for a new book store and why it should be legal to shoot the tires of someone who is going under the speed limit in the fast lane on the Beltway.
Oh, oh.
My word count says I’m close to my very strict 400 word limit, so I’ll take a minute to talk about that new Costco that is going up at…
Kate Ranieri
12:28 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Fun read, I'd like hear why it should be legal to shoot the tires of someone who is going under the speed limit in the fast lane on the Beltway.
Ron Fitzsimmons
4:12 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Because, Kate, no one should be allowed to go that slow in the FAST lane. I usually tail gate them to death, but I thought it might be easier if I could just shoot at their tires :)
chris wilkens
12:35 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
To bad it is limited to 400....looking to hear more from this writer as it is obvious he has a direct and entertaining way of sharing opinions
Mary Ann Barton
2:11 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Great column, can't wait to read more! Keeping an eye out for the next IMHO!
Carolyn
3:21 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Congrats on the new gig! So how often will we be seeing a new post?
Ron Fitzsimmons
4:11 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thanks, Carolyn. Our plan is to run one every Tuesday morning. Next week I'm gonna address why we can't get cell phone service in Mount Vernon...
Nancy H
3:42 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I love what you've done! whatever it is you've done.... GOOD job! :)
Ron Fitzsimmons
4:13 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thanks, Nancy. When I figure out what I've done, I'll let you know.
Pat
4:17 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Definetly adding this "blog"/"column" to the TOP of my weekly reads! Finally, someone with a sense of humor and a sarcastic yet realistic outlook on Mount Vernon life! Can't wait for the next one!
Ron Fitzsimmons
6:47 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thanks, Pat, hope you enjoy my future blog/column/thingys.....
Kate Ranieri
6:40 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I'd say, run them off the road, sort of, gently of course, to "encourage" them to drive in the lane where they should be.
Ron Fitzsimmons
6:48 pm on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
You're more diplomatic than I, Kate. But then, I'm from New York...
Lorraine D. Maguire
4:33 am on Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wonderful column..blog..thingy!! Keep up the interesting commentary!! I would like to know more about you...and your rather comical view on "our" little world...Keep up the great writings...
Ron Fitzsimmons
8:55 am on Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wow, Lorraine, you are up early! Thanks for the kind words...
Bill Perry
6:50 pm on Wednesday, August 31, 2011
A fun read. Welcome to the Patch. I didn't know you were one of the 'Top 50 Hired Guns,' but am not surprised. A few years ago we had a bureaucratic problem. The only way an obvious unintended consequence was corrected was through your tenacity. You refused to quit until reason triumphed. I thanked you privately, and do so now publicly. You are certainly a '50 Top HG' in our book. Since Meg stopped reading midway through your column, she missed this compliment.
Ron Fitzsimmons
9:11 am on Thursday, September 1, 2011
Bill, my ole buddy, thanks very much for the compliment. I remember when the county posted a big sign in your back yard indicating it was in a FLOOD ZONE. It was so obnoxious and rather silly, wasn't it? Anyway, I hope all is well with you and your family. My next piece will be on Tuesday. I have a few things to say about cell phone towers (or lack thereof). Best wishes my friend.... .
Brian
8:52 am on Monday, September 5, 2011
I'd like a column about video game violence - that would certainly bring up a lot of controversy!
Ron Fitzsimmons
9:09 am on Monday, September 5, 2011
Interesting idea, Brian. I've got a lot of columns in my head but I'll put this on the list. And dont forget to read my newest column that comes out tomorrow at 11 a.m. It's a pretty funny take on cell phone towers...