Well, it had to end at some point. A few days ago I was informed that the Mount Vernon Patch can no longer carry my award-winning column. It’s the usual belt-tightening stuff, I guess.  Needless to say, I’m bummed. I’ve really enjoyed opining about local and national events. I’ve enjoyed needling folks and creating controversy. And I’ve especially welcomed the opportunity to give people some insight on the plight of the needy by sharing my own personal stories from days past. I’m sure there were times when I sounded like a broken record but I felt that, since I had a pulpit, I should take …

Well, it’s that time of the year again: the time to make fun of as many people as possible as I recall events of the past year that no one in Mount Vernon even cares to remember. Towards the end of the year, Mount Vernon-zions were startled to see that their school board representative, Dan Storck, actually cut his beard off.  As we all know, with the beard Dan bears a striking resemblance to President Abraham Lincoln and he has taken things so far as to play Honest Abe in local parades, school assemblies and Tupperware parties. But Ole Honest Dan apparently had a bad reaction after seeing …

Every time Thanksgiving comes around, I just can’t help thinking about those that are less fortunate than us. As I’ve written before, when my father abandoned our family in 1964 we had to depend on welfare payments and other government assistance to survive and I have used this mini-bully pulpit to give you a more personal view of what it means to have to rely on others.  Sure, I may go overboard with my “bleeding heart” stuff, but I just cannot sit still when I hear people (like Mitt Romney) make broad generalizations about how people on government assistance prefer not to work, how they …

Finally, no more campaign commercials!  I now look forward to watching my old favorites, like the one where the emasculated old guy gets all hot and bothered as he watches his clearly drugged out wife dancing by herself in the kitchen.  A cruel smirk comes over his face, he starts to growl and, because he took nine Cialis pills earlier that morning, he knows that in nine minutes he and his zonked out wife will be in their bathtubs, drinking wine, looking out over the Grand Canyon which happens to be their backyard. But I digress. If anyone cares, here are some random thoughts on this election…

My wife begged me not to write about the presidential election. Instead, she suggested I opine about new turf fields at the high schools, the off-leash dog park at Westgrove or how Scott Surovell likes to slop around in the mud looking for shopping carts. “Anything but the election,” she pleaded.  So, how about those debates, huh?   I’ve been involved in national and local politics for many years. I was originally inspired by Bobby Kennedy when he ran for President in 1968, then got rather involved in the anti-Vietnam protest movement. I’ve worked for several members of Congress, including …

  We hear a lot about the evils of “pork barrel projects”, those infamous “earmarks” that members of Congress used to insert into federal appropriations bills to fund a specific project back in their district.  This practice is now prohibited.  But did you know that there are some opportunities for “pork” on the county level that are there for the taking if you get organized?       Years ago, as a staff person for Supervisor Gerry Hyland, I was driving to a meeting at West Potomac High School and noticed a number of students walking on the west side of Quander Road on their way home.  They …

Unless you’ve been in a coma for the last year or two, you know that the cost of a college education is ridiculously expensive for many students, a large percentage of whom are graduating with massive debt (and not many job prospects).  Yet, I continue to hear that “there’s money out there” to help our kids offset the costs of higher education. Lemme give you an example.      Several years ago, I became the President of Mount Vernon High School’s Academic Boosters Club (ABC). Before you think “wow, Ron, I’m impressed,” the truth is no one else wanted the job. Isn’t that how everyone become …

As we approach the 11th anniversary of the terrorist attacks, I wanted to share the story of one of our neighbors named Luke who has asked that I not use his full name.       On the morning of September 11, 2001, Luke was in the South Tower in the World Trade Center.        The night before, he had checked into the Marriott Hotel that stood in the shadows of the World Trade Center. As the general manager for a telecommunications provider to the federal government, Luke had a meeting scheduled for 8:30 the next morning on the ninth floor of the South Tower, otherwise known as WTC 2. At 8:46 a.…

Kvetch, kvetch, kvetch. For as long as I can remember, the Mount Vernon community has been kvetching (complaining, an act invented by New Yorkers) to those powers about the lack of a nice bookstore. When I was a staff person for Supervisor Gerry Hyland, that had to be one of the most frequently asked questions, just second to “Hey, Gerry, when the hell are we gonna get better cell phone service?”    I can assure you that for years Hyland had been trying to persuade the Barnes and Nobles of the world to locate to the Route 1 corridor, but the response always was that the demographics would not…

Several days after the massacre in Aurora, I picked up the Washington Post and there, above the fold, were not one, not two, not three, but four pictures of the assailant - he who shall not be named. At the same time, tucked below the fold in the left hand corner was an article noting the death of Sally Ride, the first American female astronaut. Her picture was buried on the tenth page.  Talk about having our priorities screwed up.       When I saw the four pictures of the assailant, it occurred to me that this was probably exactly what this moron wanted. He craved attention, he wanted to …

The derecho came without much warning.  I had just gotten home after having finished my fourth straight day working 12 hour shifts in the blazing sun as a marshal for Tiger Woods’ golf tournament at Congressional Country Club. I crashed into my Archie Bunker chair and couldn’t move. I wondered why the hell I was punishing my already-worn 62-year-old body for this guy who, well, you all know about Tiger. So, like any hard working stiff who is looking for some relief, I took some pills.    I was in stage nine of deep sleep when I felt something shaking me.  It was my 22-year-old son, Patrick, …

The expected influx of people from BRAC has generated some rapid growth along the Richmond Highway corridor, particularly in the form of new hotels and residential housing. It’s a good time, therefore, to talk about what kind of community we envision and whether or not we will make room for people of all income levels. Which leads me to ask: whatever happened to the North Hill project? Years ago, Mount Vernon Supervisor Gerry Hyland, working with the Fairfax County Redevelopment and Housing Authority, proposed the construction of an “affordable housing” community on the 33 acre lot that …

Ah, July Fourth! I’m as patriotic as they come. I still get goose bumps when I hear a (good) version of the Star Spangled Banner. I proudly display my tattered “1776” flag in the front of my house. I always vote. And, for a while, I toyed with the idea of running for elected office because I believe strongly that we should all give back to our country.         But I’m not sure if I am feeling America anymore.     Watching the rather predictable July 4th concert on the lawn of Capitol from the comfort of my home (I no longer want to deal with the massive crowds), I could not help but think …

The other day I was waiting for my prescription at the Engleside Plaza CVS when I noticed on the shelf a new product called MANLYMAN*, some kind of a Viagra copy-cat…  *MANLYMAN is not necessary for men who not just chew but actually swallow chewing tobacco, did not film their baby as it was coming out of that women’s place and instead watched the Redskins game in the hospital lounge, who swim in the Potomac, who regularly scratch themselves in public, don’t wash their hands after urinating but instead run the water in case someone is listening, don’t care if someone finds them staring at the…

“Okay, kids, gather round. I want to welcome all of you to another year of Mount Vernon Little League baseball. In a few minutes, we will start the tryouts but, first, let’s get to the real important stuff. When I call out your name, come up here and get your new trophy!”  Many, many years ago, in a distant age known as “The Fifties” a trophy was something that you actually earned. So, I got a trophy when my team, “Barry’s Bail Bonds,” won the division championship or when I made the league’s all-star team. And while all of those trophies have gone to trophy heaven, I can still picture then …

Dear Graduates: I am honored to be your keynote speaker today at Mount Potomac High School.  You are all about to embark on a fantastic journey filled with incredible opportunities and… (The speaker hesitates, then rips up his speech in frustration). I’m sorry, kids. I can’t feed you this line of crap. The bottom line is that you are all screwed. I am going to assume that most of you will be going to some kind of college.  Now, a few of you might get a scholarship because you are some all-star bocci ball player or your ancestors are from Guam.  But for most of you, when you graduate four or …

Over the years here in Mount Vernon, we’ve heard a number of rallying cries.  Who could forget “Save the Mount Vernon Hospital” or “Save the Gum Springs Pool?”   Then there was my personal favorite:  “Save Wanda’s Nail Salon!” And now there is a new cause to rally around:  “Save Woodlawn Stables!”      The issue is that the Federal Highway Administration (FHWA) has plans to widen Richmond Highway near Fort Belvoir to help alleviate an expected increase in traffic because of the Base Realignment and Closure Act (BRAC).  There are three options on the table: a no-build option, a southeast …

It seems that every other day, Mount Vernon residents get a solicitation from a local charitable group. They come at a rapid rate, the galas seem to be one after the other and it’s easy to get a little cynical and just toss out the solicitation. But the people who work in these organizations have chosen to help the less fortunate, and each family they serve has a story. For example, it might be a family that is being evicted from their home. It was the summer of 1962 and I was a 13 year-old baseball player who had just been selected to the town’s All Star team. West Islip, New York was a …

Both boys are now back from another year at UVA.  My oldest, Patrick, got his undergraduate degree and will complete his Masters in Public Policy next year. Brian, my 19-year-old, just finished his first year. They’ve both got jobs for the summer, with Brian working at a summer camp and Patrick working for David Axelrod’s PR firm.  Last Friday night, they were hanging around the house, their smelly feet perched up on the couch, munching on roasted almonds, playing Halo. I asked them if they were going out that night and they both mumbled “I dunno, there’s really no place to go.”  We started …

The secret service agent poked his head into the Oval Office. “Excuse me, Mr. President, but the Vice President is here to see you,” said the agent. The President looked up and put down his autographed copy of “The Audacity of Hope,” clearly upset at being interrupted.        “What the hell does he want? I thought we sent him to that state funeral in Bosnia for the month?” said the President.  “Well, Mr. President, after he got there we learned that the Prime Minister hadn’t actually died, so we had to bring the VP back.”   “Oh well, send him in.  And take off that ‘I Wasn’t In Cartegena’ …