Not That There's Anything Wrong with That

President Obama recently announced he supports same-sex marriage.

The secret service agent poked his head into the Oval Office.

“Excuse me, Mr. President, but the Vice President is here to see you,” said the agent.

The President looked up and put down his autographed copy of “The Audacity of Hope,” clearly upset at being interrupted.       

“What the hell does he want? I thought we sent him to that state funeral in Bosnia for the month?” said the President. 

“Well, Mr. President, after he got there we learned that the Prime Minister hadn’t actually died, so we had to bring the VP back.”  

“Oh well, send him in.  And take off that ‘I Wasn’t In Cartegena’ button.” 

The VP walked in sheepishly.“Hey, Chief, thanks for seeing me. Isn’t that great news about the Prime Minister of Bosnia? Uh, anyway, I need to tell you something. I was just on some television show, I can’t keep them straight anymore, and during the interview I kinda admitted that I was comfortable with same sex marriage.”

The President’s jaw dropped.

“Now, don’t panic yet, Chief, it’s possible no one was watching and this whole thing will just quietly disappear.”  At this point, the Veep’s hands were covering his crotch. 

“For gosh sakes, Joe, why would you say something like that?  Now, I’m gonna have to respond even though my position on this issue has been evolving for years.  In fact, our secret plan was to let it keep evolving until after the election.”    

“Well, Mr. President, I’m sorry but when they ask me questions like that, I just can’t resist telling the truth. I know that is wrong but…”

“All right, here’s how we’re gonna play this. We’ll set up an interview with someone on television who pretends to be a reporter, someone like Al Sharpton or Robin Roberts. Then I’ll tell them that my evolution on this issue is complete and I now personally support same sex marriage. I’ll blame my position on my two daughters who kept bragging about how some of their schoolmates have very cool gay parents.” 

“That’s a great strategy Chief,” said Biden, his tongue hanging down like a lap dog.

“So, that will get the gays off my butt but I gotta think about those independents out there, so here’s what we’ll do. I’ll say that while I’m personally in favor of gays getting married, I believe the legal issues should still be left up to the states. You know, it’s like when a pro-choice politician says that it’s okay for others to have abortions but they are personally opposed to them. It’s just a way to toss a bone to the anti-abortion folks. So, in this case the gay groups will think I’m great cause I’d be the first President to come down on their side but the beauty is that there’s nothing substantive I could do about it.  I mean, at this point 41 states have passed bans on gay marriage, what the hell can I do anyway?  Then, after this all shakes out, we’ll put the squeeze on those rich gay folks in Hollywood who would love to spend some big bucks at a fundraiser at George Clooney’s or Cher’s house.”

“This is brilliant, Mr. President!  I’m glad I could help,” says the Veep.     

“Okay, that’s the plan. Meanwhile, Joe, go tell them to gas up Air Force 5. You leave in an hour. We’re sending you to Akbanistan until November, just in case their President dies.” 

DAVE May 22, 2012 at 03:27 PM
I am very much against gay marriage, just like I am very much against heterosexual marriage. The best part was the gay rights groups saw right through Obambam's endorsement of gay marriage and recognized it for what it was: a political ploy to get the gay vote.
vinny May 22, 2012 at 04:03 PM
Omg... typical politicians. Im not sure whether to laugh or cry after ready that. http://jokeofthedayblog.blogspot.com
Suzanne Maheu May 22, 2012 at 06:05 PM
As a lesbian and an American, I appreciate what he did even though it may be primarily a political ploy. That doesn't change the fact he is the first President to acknowledge that my family and other families like mine deserve the same civil rights as any "traditional" family. With the condemnation that is spewed from other politicians on this topic, it is a refreshing difference.
DAVE May 22, 2012 at 06:09 PM
Therefore, it doesn't matter how insincere the endorsement as long as someone comes out on your side? I want 4 more years of that in the White House.
Suzanne Maheu May 22, 2012 at 06:14 PM
Dave, that wasn't really my point. But I question whether anyone can unequivocally state his sentiments are insincere.
JoeB90 May 23, 2012 at 03:19 AM
Civil Rights have nothing to do with marriage. Marriage is a religious rite blessed by God. The government should get out of the marriage business and just issue everybody a Certificate of Civil Union that conveys all the same rights to couples - gay or straight. If a man and a woman want to get married they can take the additional step of going to their church, synagogue, temple, or mosque.
Bill Zaccagnino May 23, 2012 at 03:24 PM
Ron--More than a commentary on gay marriage, your article is primarily intended to disparage President Obama...but, as you say, IM[your]HO. And, of course, you demonstrated that heterosexual behavior is not always neat and tidy in your previous article "Mount Vernon After Dark." Dave--You're in top cynical and conservative form. JoeB90--If marriage is sacred, why don't the anti-gay marriage laws also outlaw divorce? For my part, I've been married for nearly 39 years, heterosexual relationship, for love and not because I had "hot peppers in my pants," as a priest asked a friend of mine about me at the time. I have yet to hear a clear and reasoned discussion of the issue.
DAVE May 23, 2012 at 03:54 PM
I am so sick of hearing about gay this and gay that I can't tell you. I have just stopped listening. If gays want the civil rights of heterosexuals then let them have it. Me, I'm not neo-conservative enough to care. If this country spent half as much time trying to solve poverty as it does trying to resolve the rights of homosexuals we'd be far better off for the effort.
Ron Fitzsimmons May 23, 2012 at 07:06 PM
I dont know, Dave, if the gay rights groups "saw right through" this. I"m told they are responding with some significant contributions.
Ron Fitzsimmons May 23, 2012 at 07:08 PM
Thanks for your thoughts, Suzanne. I appreciate your perspective. Indeed, I was disappointed and puzzled that Obama didn't announce earlier. I"m sorry, but I did not buy this "I'm evolving" thing.
Ron Fitzsimmons May 23, 2012 at 07:11 PM
I was being cynical, Bill. I really think they were going to try to avoid the issue until after the Election but, and I have a few friends in the administration, Biden blew it and pushed Obama. He then had no choice. Like I said earlier, I would rather Obama just come out in support of gay marriage right at the beginning of his administration, just to get it over with.....And congrats on 39 years! We just celebrated our 30th about a week ago. I gave her a gift certificate to Mount Vernon Late Night DVD...
Ron Fitzsimmons May 23, 2012 at 07:12 PM
What if a homosexual was poor, Dave? :)
JoeB90 May 29, 2012 at 02:37 PM
Bill...There is no such thing as divorce in the Catholic religion - I'm not sure about other religions. Divorce is a civil separation - nothing to do with religion, just like a civil union. Why on earth would we want to outlaw divorce? it is nothing more that a way to sever a contract. This reinforces my point that civil unions for all would help to separate our government from religion.


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